i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."