I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
