I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
In America we eat man semen.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
These 17 People Made Horrible Decisions That Ruined Their Lives
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me