ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He just brought a live lobster to the party.