I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
