I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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