I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
