We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
