Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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