His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
