I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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