Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Even my vagina gasped.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
