I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
