did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
