Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
