I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
