haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
