I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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