I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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