I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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