if i can run in heels then i can drive
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
