Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
