I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
