Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
