I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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