Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
