I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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