I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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