at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You ate ashes out of my bong
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
