So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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