If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
