And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
