he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
