I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
