I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
