Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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