someone get that fucking seahorse.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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