please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
