ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
