no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
