How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
