who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
