I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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