mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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