All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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