In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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