so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
