youre lurking in front of me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
