Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
