Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
