so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
