Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
