i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
