and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
