who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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