I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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