when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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