Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
