You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
