does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
