Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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