I think I can smell my own vagina right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just had sex on a roof
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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