so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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