Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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