Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
