i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
