i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want nice things and good sex
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
