I think my fart just growled at me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
