i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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