we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
