she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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