found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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