the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
