I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
