just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
that's an acceptable place to lick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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