I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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