so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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