I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
